What follows is the pilgrimage of a young casualty of at least three problematic mental health conditions. Although as an adult, on reflection, I believe Condition 3 is an inevitable consequence of Conditions 1 and 2:

1.   Cognitive Dissonance – the mental discomfort trying to juggle two or more conflicting beliefs and values.

2.   Low Emotional Intelligence – the inability to accurately understand or respect emotions in yourself and others.

3.   ADHD – a mental disorder affecting attention levels, anxiety and behavior in children, teens and which can continue into adulthood.

Between 1980 and 1993 life for my family and me became a rampage of drugs, crime, prison, release, relationship chaos, mental and emotional chaos, relapse, crime, violence, prison, promises, release, relapse, crime, prison, promises, release, relapse, overdose, crime, prison, shattered relationships, crime, prison, failed prison-cell suicide attempt, silent promises to self, release, relapse, second overdose, crime, prison, release, crime, overdose, the desire for prison, no more promises, fear of release.

By 1993, with less than a year of a 30-month sentence left, I started feeling really anxious about returning to society. I couldn’t handle the thought of another failure.

Today, 30-years later, having developed and taken a charity-dependent homeless shelter to the dizzy heights of private sector addiction treatment clinic, to finding myself unemployed due to Covid-19, I’ve been head-hunted by two of London’s high-society clinics for the positions in programme management and the guarantee of a private counselling practice in London. My struggle was and is, following the crowd and blending in.